Split personality

I was tempted to call this blog 'All About Me' or 'The center Of The Universe' or some such, seeing as it is going to be selfishly devoted to me and my attempts to succeed as a sculptor. The 'Split personality' is the illustrator on the one side and the sculptor on the other.

The aim of this blog is to keep a door open. A door of opportunity, held open just enough to allow a sliver of light to pierce the darkness. When the time is right I hope to escape through this door and fulfill what I believe to be my artistic destiny.

I've always loved an overdramatic opening:¬) yet compared to the trials and tribulations of some people I know, it's self indulgence to the nth degree. But having said that sculpture is important to me.

This blog will concentrate on things that inspire me artistically, include some preliminary sketches and eventually images of actual sculpture.

Sculpture was my one escape. When I was a kid I used to retreat to the sanctuary of the art room to avoid the bullies that blighted years of my early school life. Over many, many lunchbreaks I single handedly created a detailed cardboard model of a Viking ship which earned me a mention in 'The Golden Book Of Achievement.' :¬)

Then, imagine an eight year old child proudly showing his father his first ever glazed piece of sculpture, only to have him call it 'rubbish' to his face. All sorts of psychological blocks have conspired to prevent me walking through the 'door of opportunity' and doing what I really want to do. These days making such a move is prevented by a combination of economics and a lack of self confidence. I bought a kiln over a year ago. It went in a cupboard and there it has remained ever since.

I guess I am lucky to be working as an illustrator. The style does involve sculpture of sorts but it's more Tom and Jerry than Michaelangelo. The sculptures take my creative energy, but it's just a means to an end and soon they disintegrate leaving little to show for my efforts. That in itself can be disheartening.

It is only in the past month or so that I have actually been 'noticed' by someone who seems to like my work. Although I have written and illustrated one book, illustrated others and a few of CD ROM's, up until now things haven't been really viable. During the year after getting my 3rd agent, (2007), I had no work at all. I could have taken this opportunity create sculpture but I lacked the faith that I could make it as a sculptor so I dismissed it. Also I refused to take no for an answer as an illustrator.

Being an illustrator involves compromise. Which is the case with any job where you are given direction. It can be rewarding and frustrating in equal measure. But it is above all bloody hard work, 14 hour days for weeks on end. Any other job with the hours like these would be well compensated for.

My style is maybe looked upon as a curiosity by some of my peers so have often felt a bit out of place in the mainstream. I am grateful to be busy at the moment but being busy may still not be enough to sustain a viable income. Twelve weeks of really hard graft could equal £3,500. And I'm not sure I could keep up that pace of work. Sometimes the sculpting is as frenetic as Supermarket Sweep!:¬)

I have a finite amount of energy so I need to be putting it to the best use. I have to weigh up my options.


Gordon Fraser said…